Being back in Starkville has already been so great. Reuniting with lots of friends and anxiously waiting to see the rest is always rewarding. My summer in Nashville was such a blessing and I have missed being with my sweet sister and her family. The lord showed me how richly he has provided for my family and I and allowed me to learn even more about who I am through his redemption. He is so good! I am currently back in Nashville welcoming my family's newest addition into the world.. Jack McCall Jones. He is a handsome one I must say. Will have pictures soon! It has definitely been interesting to see how my niece, Meg, has reacted to her new brother, and right now, she is quite obsessed with him. Obsessed and possessive... her baby seems to need her at all times, so she wants to be the only one holding him... we'll see how long this lasts. But Jack and Lori are both doing great and are healthy. They get to come home tomorrow! He is just the sweetest little thing in the world :)
Tomorrow I will return to Starkville and on Monday we have Bid Day and new little Delta Gammas so that will be exciting! And then we start school on Wednesday. I can't believe that! I am unprepared with no books or supplies so I'd better get on that. It is still unreal how quickly this summer passed by. I wish we could have another month or so just to play... or go to the beach, which I've been dying to do, but that's just not reality.
On another note, lately I have felt a lack of confidence and importance in myself. I don't really know why, but it has been bothering me. I have just felt like a disappointment and been down about who I am. I know we all go through these times for whatever reason, but it is tough to deal with. For me it is so easy to get caught up in this world and who I am in this place. I tend to focus so much on other people and what they may be thinking of something I've done or didn't do correctly. I'll admit it, I'm a complete people pleaser. I like to make people happy and give them their way with no conflicts regardless of if it's the best thing for me. So often I deceive myself into thinking that this is okay and that I'm focusing on other's feelings when in reality I am looking out for myself and avoiding being uncomfortable at all costs. That is such a dangerous way to live and not a life of loving others. But as I have been thinking about this time of struggle for confidence, I am realizing that my confidence comes from the Lord, and this is not where I have been looking. Instead of digging deeply into who I am through Him, I have looked outwardly, comparing myself to the amazing people around me, where of course I will feel disappointment. If I rely on the importance I feel in the world, I will get nowhere, but if I realize my importance to God, how can I not have confidence? He chose me to love and to die for and to USE. Whether I always understand my importance or not, the Lord is going to use me for His glory. Now surely I can go and live confidently in that!
Thanks for letting me spill my guts... Be back soon!
aj
